A quick internet search reveals how many people feel about excessive kindness. Kind people make less money. Kind people are more likely to be depressed. Being kind can be “lazy, inefficient, irresponsible and even harmful.” The world is a mean place, after all. And, if you’re too kind, you’re bound to suffer the consequences.
Calvin and Hobbes
In the end, here is my conclusion: I don’t think it’s a “kindness” problem. After all, love is kind. I think what people are talking about is a boundary issue. I know for sure that I need better boundaries, and I’m excited to know that with great boundaries I can learn to be truly friendly, generous and considerate.
If you are wondering whether or not you have healthy boundaries, try taking this quiz: http://www.boundariesbooks.com/boundaries-quiz/. Also, if you have no idea what I’m talking about…”what are boundaries???”, then watch this video:
Vanessa Fowler 
I took the quiz and got a 7… and to think about it… yeah, I need to rethink my boundaries and set some for myself. Sigh, a good lesson. Thank you for the reminder… and also that it doesn’t mean that you are not kind… boundaries are a good thing! Thanks!
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You are so wonderful Julia! You inspire me.
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I got a 16 on the quiz. Great video–all very helpful. I guess Jesus is the best example of balance in these areas–he was not a wimp or ‘co-dependent’ or obsequious or a people-pleaser or ‘politically correct’ a push-over (as I am, for sure, with my grandchildren), yet was kind and compassionate to a tee. So I guess I must remember to ask myself WWJD?
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sorry–that should read:
or obsequious or a people-pleaser or ‘politically correct’ OR a push-over…
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And another thought, for those of us who are ‘push-overs’ or ‘too kind’, if we do things for Jesus, ultimately, we can take heart:
‘And all you do, you do it unto me’.
or
When did we see You sick or in prison and visit You?’ 40 And the King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of Mine, you did for Me.’ Matthew 25:40
Love disciplines and holds accountable, of course. Again, it seems to be about balance….
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I meant to respond earlier but neglected to put it on a to-do list (not that I actively maintain one). Anyway, I got a 14 which is a little surprising to me. I once had an issue about being “too nice” but as you pointed out it was actually a boundry issue. I would have gotten a 15 on the quiz but I changed my mind on the last question so I guess I still have some work to do :-). Boundries are so important and if you enforce you boundries with kindness instead of rigidity you will still be viewed as a kind person but not as a pushover which is what Jesus exemplified.
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