“Is there something in your life right now that you need to offer back to God, trusting him with that unknown?” – Savor, Shauna Niequist
It’s been about three years since I started writing Mirror of Sparrows, now moving forward into the fourth year. So it’s a time of reflection and evaluation. Why am I doing this?
My reasons and thinking have massively fluctuated over the last three years; but why am I doing this, now?
If I’m honest, I guess part of me dreams that I could publish a wildly successful Mirror of Sparrows to provide plenty for my family – upcoming college tuition, a home, travel, and loads of blessings with friends and family. It would mean so much to have the capacity to give them everything. Also, if I published I wildly successful book, then people might respect and value me more and be kinder and friendlier. Maybe?
The truth is, the financial reality is, that God is my provider and that he always has been; we’ve always had everything we needed and more. Besides, it’s probably much better if He provides in a way that does not puff my ego up. God, I’m guessing, is much more interested in my humility and character than in me having a NY Times bestseller and loads of cash.
And with regards to people, maybe I’m the one who needs to respect and value others more, to be kinder and friendlier. Most of the time, I don’t have time or energy to be a good friend. That’s a big wrestling point for me.
So, knowing that, why do I want to keep writing?
I want to create something beautiful.
A small detailed sketch that inspires me.
A work that God used to grow me.
An outlet for creativity.
A little bit of disposable clay transformed by love.
Though in the end, a work swept away into the dust of time; but for a little while, something beautiful.